We’ve all been there. You’re on the cusp of 23, trying to catch up on Cheers so you can play the trivia game for it with your parents, when your mom returns home from Walmart. You asked her to get you multivitamins, but an old woman took so long in the pills aisle that she got you the sugar-free ones without checking. Oops. But that’s not all she’s brought home – drumroll please… it’s a new toilet seat!
Unfortunately, your dad is visiting your grandparents, so it looks like the manual household labor is up to you today! Good thing you’ve definitely done this before!
Step 1: Linger by the Cranberries
As you struggle to remove the old toilet seat, play a song you’ve had on your mind for the past month without remembering any substantial lyrics. The hauntingly beautiful voice of Dolores O’Riordan will allow you to disassociate from your task as you try to remember how screws and bolts function.
Step 2: The Boys of Summer by Don Henley
Trying out a new song was fun, but now it’s time for a classic. Fall back on a familiar 80’s song that sounds like summertime while you carefully extricate the old toilet seat from the base itself. Place the old seat and the associated bolts and nuts into the hall next to your 1.17-year-old pit mix. As a legal infant, he cannot yet assist you in this department.
Step 3: One Headlight by the Wallflowers
Your next song is one that will make you say “Oh, this is from that one Parks and Rec episode!” as you align the new toilet seat onto the base. This step is critical, as an unaligned seat will result in a mildly unpleasant bathroom experience for the foreseeable future, just frustrating enough to irritate but not enough to put the effort into mending.
Step 4: Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart
In keeping with the theme of a new song followed by one well-known, your next pick will have you dramatically mouthing the words and dancing to the iconic beat. Finish screwing the new toilet seat into place as tightly as you can. As you return your wrench to the hall, notice that the old seat is now holding two bolts and only one nut. Wrestle the other nut from your pittie’s mouth, then continue to serenade him.
Step 5: Heat of the Moment by Asia
You might think your job is complete, as you’ve tossed what little hair you have to Corey Hart and sealed the deal for your bathroom. But with your newfound handiness skills – if this were the Sims, you’d get a pop-up – your mom asks if you could temporarily unscrew her toilet seat so she can clean it. This is a great chance to pull up another newbie on your YouTube app (because you refuse to pay for YouTube music) and say “Holy shit, yes,” at the first lyric and slam of the guitar. It’s one of the best things you’ve heard in a while. Talk about a song of the summer! The comments say this one is in Supernatural. Should you start Supernatural?
Step 6: Jenny by Tommy Tutone
As you keep the dogs and their adorable noses away from the bathroom door, your mom finishes her task! You resecure the toilet seat and scrub your hands with an excessive amount of hand soap for at least ten minutes. Jenny works excellently as a victory song, as the signature 80’s beat is an absolute banger. For an additional challenge, you can face a mirror and try to hold up the right number of fingers throughout the chorus. If you think flipping between 8-6-7-5-3-0-9 is easy, you’ve got another thing coming. It’s almost as difficult as changing your toilet seat all by yourself!
